Greg Norman Diary

Look, I know this is a rip-off. I understand that, I'm doing this in full knowledge that I did not come up with this concept. It isn't original at all, but it is enjoyable. Odds are if you are reading this sports blog, you probably read a lot of sports writing. And if you read a lot of sports writing, you probably read Bill Simmons. So without wasting any more time, here is a running diary of Greg Norman's final day at the Open Championship.

9:20 am- The only reason I am even up this early is because I was so bored yesterday that I went to bed at around 12. That's an early night here at Casa del Sami. Either way, I woke up early enough for the Open, so why not watch it. The Shark is paired up with Paddy Harrington so here we go folks.

9:22 am- The Shark tees off on 1...and it is an absolutely lovely shot right down the middle of the fairway. No jitters on the opening tee shot, we're lookin' good.

9:23 am- They haven't stopped talking about the nervousness and jittery feeling Greg Norman MUST be feeling. Imagine if everything you did you knew people were talking about how jittery you must be feeling?

9:25 am- I love this commercial for ESPN radio with Michael Kay. "I AM A BRO-BOT"

9:27 am- Here goes Greg's number 2...an immediate "Oh No" and we're in the bunker folks! They immediately follow that shot with a graphic showing Greg's 8 times leading a major after 54 holes. That's kind of like ending up in bed with 8 super-models, and getting thrown out of that bed 5 times. Would you be happy with that ratio?

9:30 am- Paddy Harrington lays it down on 1 with a beautiful shot to set up par. Dead on and perfect, your shot Mr. Norman.

9:31- Norman crawls out from the bunker onto the green, tough putt for par coming up. Looks like that 2 stroke lead is about to be a 1 stroke lead.

9:33- Norman's par putt juuuuuust runs past the hole. 1 Stroke difference between Norman and Harrington.

9:38- Norman's tee shot off 2, and we're in the gallery! Lands in what looks to be some pretty ridiculous shrubbery/weeds. Not lookin' good shark, not good at all.

9:41- Still not on the green from the second shot, but not in the rough either. Looks recoverable.

9:42- Harrington's shot lands perfectly on the green, he'll have a nice putt for birdie.

9:44- Shark looks in good shape to save par. Meanwhile, KJ Choi and Ben Curtis are making sure that this is only a two horse race by doing everything in their power to give this tournament away. Good stuff guys!

9:45- Harrington just missed his birdie putt by about an inch, so we're not tied yet...yet being the operative word.

9:47- Shark misses about a 4 foot par putt, and opens the round with back to back bogey. You think this is in his head at all? We're all tied up at Royal Birkdale ladies and gentlemen.

9:50- I'm going to take this quick minute here to talk about Dark Knight. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it immediately. Heath Ledger legitimately scared me. More on this later on, but seriously go check it out.

9:52- Norman's shot off 3 lands somewhere in the medium rough, Mike Tirico's only words, "We'll try to find where that landed, certainly a shaky start for Mr. Norman." Yeah, good observation Mike, on a similar note, it is also windy in England.

9:54- They just called Colin Montgomerie one of the greatest players of all time, I'm sorry what? I didn't know you could never win a major and be one of the greatest of all time.

9:55- Norman lands short on his 3rd shot, still has an opportunity to save par. At this point even I want him to make it, it wouldn't be fun to write this if the guy is out before we get to the back 9. Paddy Harrington immediately follows up by landing straight into the bunker.

9:57- Mike Tirico opens up a panel discussion about what it feels like to choke. It would have been great if they could have brought together a team of choke artists for this one. I'd love to hear Dan Marino and Jim Kelly's opinions on Greg Norman right now, can someone arrange this?

9:59- Harrington is in a miserable bunker on 3 right now, I don't even know how he has his feet set in that way...AND IT JUST SKIPS PAST THE HOLE! This guy is good, and he's coming hard after the Shark right now.

10:01- Wow! Harrington hits a tough par putt and is playing perfect championship golf right now. Norman's par putt is a little shorter, and immensely important.

10:02- He missed his par putt. Norman is one stroke behind after three straight bogeys. I kind of feel bad for the guy at this point. He just can't sink a decent putt, you get the feeling if he can just par one of these he'll be alright.

10:05- Nice par 3 hole coming up on 4 here. Harrington gets a nice lie on the green to start it off. Norman's shot is not as nice, but he's on the green. Tough putts coming up for both guys here.

10:10- Norman's birdie putt sails past the hole, but it was a good putt nonetheless. Harrington has an opportunity to open up a 2 stroke lead, and he shanks it to the right of the hole.

10:12- Norman pars for the first time today, and everyone lets off a huge sigh of relief.

10:13- I'm pretty confused as to why ABC continues to play Irish music going in and out of breaks. Do they know that Scotland and Ireland are different? Do they care? Do they not know about the whole thing with Ireland and Britain, or did they just choose to ignore it? I'm just saying, if it was the World Series and they were playing Mexican music in and out of the break, people would be pretty upset.

10:15- Norman just smiled for the first time. He followed that by whipping out his driver and whaling on the ball. Alright, everybody the Shark is alive and well. You're watching ESPN on ABC and here is some more Irish folk music because we don't know what else to play!

10:20- Harrington just hit the back of the green, he has to cross over a ridge that could be defined as a legitimate hill in the middle of the green. Norman follows up to come just short of the green, on the fringe. Honestly, I'd rather be there then where Harrington is.

10:22- Perfect putt by Harrington lands inches away from the hole. Quick side note, there are a couple of amateur's playing today for the first time in a while, this kid Chris Wood has serious chops though. It's a good time watching them play for fun, and he's puting up a good run right now.

10:24- Norman doesn't really judge the break right and misses his birdie putt, par keeps pace with Harrington, though. Plenty more golf to play here.

10: 27- Norman's tee shot on 6 went into the heavy stuff. He's going to need a machete to get through that stuff.

10:29- They can't even find the ball. They're discussing him even being able to get it out at this point. He was able to lash it out onto the fairway, but his next shot isn't going to be so easy. Potential for double bogey here is really high, triple isn't out of the realm of possibility either.

10:35- Norman gets it on the green with his 4th shot, and leaves himself a makeable putt. Harrington is going to have an opportunity to absolutely bury Norman with his 60-foot birdie putt here.

10:37- Harrington leaves it about 3 feet short, and sinks it for par. Norman makes an absolutely MASSIVE putt on 6 to save bogey. For those of you keeping track, Harrington is at +4, Norman at +6, and a few jokers behind that. One guy who is actually playing extremely well is that Amateur Chris Wood. He's now at +7, and is becoming a legitimate threat to catch the top two.

10:42- I think Harrington just killed someone with his tee shot on 7. Get the stretcher out! Chris Wood immediately follows my comments about his play by landing a shot somewhere in Northern Ireland. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

10:43- Norman knocks one just short of the green, better shape than Harrington, but the Shark needs to hit that green to start making up strokes on the defending champ.

10:45 Cool montage of Sergio choking last season. Completely forgot that Harrington landed in the drink twice, and Sergio still couldn't sink that last putt. I like this Harrington guy though, he seems like someone I'd like to have a few beers with, even though his teeth frighten me.

10:48- Norman is going to wedge it up from the outer fringe onto the green. If he can do it just right he has a shot...left it just short.

10:50- The wind just robbed Harrington of par, and Norman is going to have a chance to pick up a stroke with about a 3 foot putt. Norman sinks it, and pulls a stroke up on Harrington.

10:51- Ian Poulter is wearing pink pants and a big stupid visor with his hair spiked through it. He couldn't look more gay if he was wrapped in a rainbow flag. With that said here's some Dropkick Murphy's as we go into the break. IRELAND AND ENGLAND ARE TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!

Short Intermission (Breakfast..I'm hungry)

11:02- We're back on the 8th here and both Harrington and Norman are on the green already.

11:06- Norman's birdie putt for a share of the lead comes up a few inches to the right of the hole. Harrington is going to be putting for par with a little more in front of him than he probably wanted.

11:07- Another huge missed opportunity for Harrington. He bogeys 8 and that pulls him and the Shark even as we go into the 9th hole. This is starting to get really exciting.

11:10- Norman swings the big boy on 9. Some comments on how he doesn't have to go for birdie and should be settling for par. For the most part I agree, but I think that when someone is comfortable with the driver you have to go for it. Champions are aggressive when the opportunity is there.

11:13- ABC just started playing bagpipes. Not Irish fiddler music, so it's a little closer to home. Still, they couldn't find an Oasis or Beatles album to play? Bagpipes in England

11:16- Norman has a huge advantage on the second shot here on the 9th. Wow Harrington just whipped it into the middle of nowhere, he's in a bit of trouble. Norman should play it nice and easy here and just get on the green. The Shark's getting a little lucky.

11:17- I think I hate Ian Poulter. He's 2 strokes behind the lead through 12 holes. Aside from his ridiculous clothing, he's got this air of cockiness about him that I just don't appreciate.

11:19- Harrington knocks it short onto the green. He's set himself up for a tough par putt. If he misses this it's going to be three straight bogeys to finish the front 9. That is not championship golf.

11:20- Poulter just missed a birdie putt to bring it realllllllly close. I am standing and cheering. I hate this guy. Norman's putt comes up a little short on a longgggg birdie putt. He'll make par easily though.

11:22- Harrington missed his par putt, that puts Norman back in the lead by 1 stroke heading into the back 9. By the way, they just showed us a picture of some people in the stand and in the gallery. People are wearing full parkas, they're dressed like its a playoff game in Lambeau. Is it really that cold out there right now? I understand there's 35 mph winds, but still we're talking about mid-July in England, not January in Ottawa.

11:26- "I AM A BRO-BOT"...still not getting old.

11:28- I don't know why these guys are giving Norman so much grief for using his driver. He whipped it out again on 10, and it's been working well for him the last few holes. I say let the big dog eat, and leave the Shark alone.

11:31- The ball landed somewhere near the fans, I really have no clue where it went. Either way Ian Poulter just missed another birdie putt and I couldn't be happier. He's hitting steady par at this point.

11:32- Harrington just punched out a nice shot to get a good lie on the green for a birdie opportunity. He hasn't hit the green in regulation in the last few holes.

11:33- The last four groups are +30 so far today. Mmmmm, British Open golf. Norman just hit a shot that rolled a few feet past the hole. Looks like Harrington will have an opportunity to pull even again.

11:36- Harrington juuuust misses a 13 foot birdie opportunity. Harrington dodges a bullet that could have been a stroke penalty if the Brits decided it to be so. Luckily for him, they're just going to make him play it. (The ball rolled about an inch after he picked up his marker.)

11:38- Norman missed his par putt. Again, Harrington gets a chance to become co-leader. Norman makes a little tricky putt to make bogey. The wind is really becoming annoying at this point. It's starting to carry balls on the green, I can't even imagine how difficult that is.

11:44- Harrington tees off on 11 and winds up just left of the first bunker. He set himself up for a decent 2nd shot, definitely still thinking par. Norman just pulled out the Driver again, and I love it. I started the day rooting against Norman, but at this point I'm loving the guy. Knocked it right down the middle of the fairway, beautiful shot.

11:48- Harrington gets it on the green, but leaves himself with an extremely long putt. Meanwhile, Poulter is putting for birdie and a share of the lead, and he came up short. If he somehow comes out on top today, I'm going to be extremely disappointed.

11:49- Norman left himself with roughly the same putt as Harrington. I love when this happens.

11:52- Harrington's putt leaves about 3 or 4 feet shy of the hole. These short putts are what have been eating people alive all day. P.S. Sergio Garcia just closed his tournament out at +17. Yeah, he's a great golfer.

11:56- Norman came oh-so-close to sinking a gorgeous Tiger-like birdie putt. He's definitely playing the better golf right now. The commentators still won't stop harping on Norman's insistence to use the driver. I just don't get why they think they'd be so much better off? It's not like Norman isn't hitting the green in regulation, he hasn't even gotten into trouble with the driver. I hate commentators. They both sink par putts and move on to 12.

12:01- Par 3 on 12. I'm guessing he won't use the driver this hole. Harrington hits it just past the green, and Norman lands well in front of the green. Looked like the wind just sucked the life out of it.

12:04- Poulter just made a gorgeous birdie putt to take a share of the lead. I'm furious about this, and he's going into 17. They just showed a Poulter quote from January 31. His quote was that when he plays to his full potential, which of course he never has yet, he's just as good as anyone else. When he does get there he says, "It will be just me and Tiger." Yeah, I really can't stand this guy. I don't condone cursing on the Pine, but @#%$ this piece of %@!#.

12:05- Norman is up on the green, and putting for par, and it just barely rings out. His last two putts have been dead on and just barely carried out of the cup. Harrington sinks his par putt and now the new co-leaders are Harrington and Poulter.

12:07- If Greg Norman is Greg Norman, he'll fold up like a cheap suit right here. Either he bogeys 3 of these last 5 holes and does what we expected him to do, or he stays alive to the end and shocks the world. Either way, I'm still not thinking of Tiger Woods.

12:08- Great commerical for Top Flight with Kenny Mayne, "Hey Longzilla, what the hell are they feeing you anyways?" Good stuff from Kenya Manski.

12:09- Another Mayne commercial for top flight. This time we get, "Hey Franken-Golfer, when are you due back at the lab." Can't make that stuff up...

12:11- Norman misses the first two bunkers, but lands in the worst one. Miserable lie in a miserable bunker, not feeling so good about hitting the green from here.

12:12- Poulter is playing the best golf on the course today. It hurts me to write that, but it's true.

12:14- Harrington hits a 5 iron absolutely perfect to land it about 10 feet from the pin. The pressure is on the Shark right now, and I don't like his chances.

12:15- Poulter is putting for eagle right now, and the opportunity to start running away with it. He left it way short, thank God. If I see this bum holding up a trophy I'm going to riot.

12:16- Commentators are openly ripping into Norman at this point. "Poor decisions, his execution hasn't been great, and now he's walking with his head down." This poor old man can't do anything right.

12:19- Poulter is putting for birdie on 17 and the outright lead. He missed, excellent. Norman comes back with a beautiful shot to get on the green.

12:20- Harrington is going for birdie and the outright lead, he sinks it. Harrington +6 through 13, Poulter +7 through 17, Norman +9 through 13. More Irish music from the people at ABC, I think it's just about over for our elderly friend.

12:24- Harrington lands on the green, little longer than he probably would have liked, but at this point he just has to par out.

12:25- Poulter gets lucky in stopping short of a bunker on 18. Norman tees off on the same par 3 as Harrington and lands in the bunker. It's not official, but I think you can call it a day for Greg Norman.

12:28- Poulter comes short of the green on 18, and it doesn't look like he'll be able to do anything better than par. Norman comes out of the bunker and hits it way right of the hole.

12:30- I think I just saw Jared from the Subway commercials wearing a Yankee hat in the gallery, and applauding Poulter. I think I've had nightmares about that same situation.

12:31- Norman just sank a miracle putt for par on 14 that sent roars out to 18 where Chris Wood and Poulter were. Harrington sank his par shot as well. Harrington maintains a 3 stroke lead with 4 holes of golf to play. I'm no mathematician, but the odds don't seem to be in favor of the Shark.

12:34- Norman hits an absolute beauty with his driver down the line on 15. As much as I like Harrington, and I really like the idea of consecutive Open Champions, it would be awesome to see a 53-year old guy win this thing.

12:36- Poulter is putting for par on 18, tough shot coming up. If he wants even a decent shot at winning this thing, he has absolutely got to make this putt. Needless to say, I am rooting against him. It's taken him roughly 2 minutes just to line it up. He makes the putt, though. He finishes the day at +7, 1 stroke behind the lead. He's also earned a new hater today.

12:39- They just showed the lottery drawing. When did it happen that we started playing lottery on the weekends? The number came up 007...that's kind of awesome. Still, can someone let me know when it started happening that lottery was played on the weekends? What is going on in this God-less society of ours?

12:42- Norman's second shot on the par 5, this is his last chance desperation effort. He hits the bunker left of the green. Tirico has confirmed my opinion, probably his last chance of the day. This tournament is in the hands of Padraig Harrington at this point.

12:47- Harrington is all smiles, hits a beautiful putt to line up birdie for himself. He's just playing solid, safe golf.

12:48- Norman just took an absolute face full of sand. He hit a perfect shot, but the sand jumped right into his mouth. Poor guy, loses the Open and then gets a pile of sand in the mouth. Why don't they just hump his grandmother and pour sugar in his gas tank while they're at it. (By they, I mean the golf Gods, who seem to own this guy's life. Seriously, go back and watch this round of golf, he didn't do anything to warrant losing this tournament. He played such solid golf through 3 days, and even today he had a couple bad breaks putting...I'm just genuinely upset for the guy.)

12:49- Norman sinks his putt for birdie. So does Harrington. Harrington +5, Norman +8, three holes to play. We're going to need a miracle here...either that, or Tiger Woods is going to have to finish the tournament for the Shark.

12:51- Conversation with Chris Wood. Seems like a good enough kid. 6'5" English amateur, and he's only 20 years old. Former footballer who used to get injured too often so he stopped playing. The guy interviewing him also pointed out that he's a scoreboard watcher, I like that. Too bad he's an amateur, that's a lottttttta prize money. Incredibly enough, he remembered the Justin Rose shot from ten years ago, and he even recognized that he almost had the same shot in the same position. Cool stuff, I like the historical knowledge from the kid.

12:54- Norman and Harrington hit nearly identical shots off the tee on 16. Norman better start praying.

12:58- Harrington lands in a position to give himself a good birdie opportunity. Norman needs to hole this shot or hope Harrington's wrist just falls off. I'm rooting for both.

1:00- Really depressing graphic about Norman just came up, highlighting all of his collapses. Only one win after leading for 54 holes. He's had some absolutely awful fourth rounds, and this is one of them. Seriously depressing stuff. At least he makes nice shirts.

1:02- Harrington putting for birdie, really taking his time. He knows what's at stake if he makes this, and he falls a few inches short of the cup. Norman has a birdie opportunity here to pull within 2 shots with 2 holes to play here. This will pull him tied with Poulter for 2nd.

1:03- Norman comes up less than about 6 inches short of the cup, on what must have been close to a 15 feet putt. That pretty much sums up his day. Harrington and Norman both come away with par on 16, and they're on to the par 5 over on 17.

1:05- In case you were wondering, there is the potential for a playoff today. They just showed Poulter keeping warm by taking a few practice swings. Harrington Bogeyed, Eagle, Birdied 17 the last 3 days. So we could see a bit of a score swing here, but I think he'll probably play it safe and land with a par.

1:07- Greg Norman's last chance. Odds are we will never see this guy play this well, this deep into a major again. Passing of a legend. It's weird to stop and think that one day we'll be going through this same routine for Tiger Woods...sans the choking part.

1:11- Cool little montage about the Claret Jug. I gotta say, it's a great trophy. I'd much rather have the Jug than the green jacket. I'm not saying the Open is better than the Masters, I'm just saying it's a really cool trophy. It's a classier version of the Stanley Cup, and who doesn't like that.

1:12- Tricky shot into some crosswinds for Harrington. He has a chance to screw it up here, let's hope he does. The ball just barely carried over the bunkers, and he lands it a few feet away from the pin to give himself a great opportunity for Eagle, and most likely to win the tournament. Honestly, a guy hits a shot like that, he deserves to be champion. Maybe the best shot of the day. I know there were some nicer shots, but with the amount of importance, and the risk of the shot, and the aggressive attitude he took over by taking it; it just made it the kind of shot that perfectly describes a golf champion. I love what this guy did here.

1:13- Greg Norman's second shot is not as nice...kind of like Padraig Harrington's teeth.

1:15- Sheer disappointment on Norman's face, the dude is going to finish wayy below what I even thought today. I knew there was a good shot at him choking, but goodness me, this was bad.

1:17- Norman just missed ANOTHER good, long putt. This guy can't catch a break.

1:18- One of the commentators just brought up a great point. Should there be an asterisk next to Padraig Harrington's name? I know we can't do that in reality, but does anybody respect this victory when Tiger isn't even in the field? I know that it's a little tainted for me.

1:22- Harrington sank his eagle putt on 17, Norman made par. That puts Harrington at +4 through 17, Poulter +7, and Norman +8.

1:23- I couldn't care less about this hole, I'm just waiting for them to finish out and hand off the Jug. So, I'll take a little bit of time to talk about The Dark Knight. I thought it was the best depiction of Batman so far. It was everything Batman is supposed to be about. The acting from everybody involved was dead on. Even Eric Roberts played the mob boss well. I really liked Aaron Eckhart, and especially thought that his depiction of Two-Face was dead-on. Without revealing too much about the movie, the only problem I had with the Two-Face storyline was that it really should have been drawn out into the next film. I think Nolan could have shortened this film down a good 30 minutes, and focused on two-face in the next installation. However, I'm not sure if Two-Face as a villain can carry a film, especially the way Heath Ledger's Joker character did this time around. The film production was beautiful, excellent special effects, and the Joker's character was written exactly the way he's supposed to be. Not too far over the top, not too straight-faced. Some dark humor, mixed with some psychotic attitude, and some hideous facepaint. Easily the best super-hero film, and I think it warrants mention with some of the best films of the year, period. Back to the golf.

1:29- Both players are on the green now, Harrington's shot literally dribbled just past the cup. Mike Tirico has been ready to hand this trophy off for the last 3 holes.

1:30- Program Alert: If you are looking for the Honda Indy 200, the flag goes up at 2:05. Also, please stop following motorsports and taking up quality air time.

1:35- So close Greg, so close. Honestly, I know he choked again, and a lot of people are going to be talking about it. (He just rimmed out of another cup, and is getting a massive round of applause. He closes the day out at +9) Still, this guy deserves a helluva lot of credit. He's 53 years old! That is ridiculous for him to be competing this deep into such a big tournament. I'm not going to rip into him too much, even though he shot a 77 today. Today I commend Greg Norman. He whipped out the big dog, he tried to go for the win, and he came up short. Good story, and the game will miss him.

1:37- Padraig Harrington wins by shooting a gorgeous 69 on the last day. He closes out with a +3...second place was +7. Wonderful performance Paddy, I'm rooting for you. Thanks for reading guys, hope you enjoyed the first article in a few weeks from me. I apologize I haven't been around as much lately, was really busy. We'll be back to regular programming starting today though, with a new G vs. Sami.